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Depression symptoms in men: Subtle and physical cues

Even though times have changed, the old-school ideas about men being tough, stoic, and in control haven’t exactly disappeared. They still show up within families, at work, and in the way men talk to each other.

For those raised in a more traditional household, showing emotion wasn’t likely something that “real” men do. So opening up about feelings to a partner, friends, or a therapist can feel awkward, to say the least. But staying silent doesn’t make those feelings go away—it just means a person has to carry whatever they’re going through alone.

Those feelings they’re bottling up can leak out in other ways: They may start snapping at people, shutting down, or numbing out. Without addressing their feelings, it can become harder to be the solid partner, reliable friend, or good father.

Despite growing public awareness around the importance of mental health, men are still significantly less likely than women to report experiencing depression. In fact, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, men are diagnosed with depression as women. One key reason for this is that men are less likely to seek help, reports.

this gender gap may exist:

• Many men are taught to keep their emotions in check. Even the most caring, thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent men can find it difficult to open up about their own feelings. Containing one’s emotions can become the default when expressing vulnerability was discouraged during childhood.
• Friendship dynamics are different. A woman’s friends might ask her directly how she’s really doing. A man’s friends might ask, “You good?”—and leave it at that. If a man (and his friends) have been conditioned not to go deeper, they probably don’t.
• Depression can mirror “typical” male behavior. Working excessively, spending long hours gaming, or becoming irritable and withdrawn might not seem unusual, especially if these patterns have always been part of someone’s personality. But when these behaviors are new, intensified, or start interfering with daily life and relationships, they may be signs of underlying distress. In some cases, they can signal an attempt to avoid or minimize difficult emotions.
• Men are less likely to see mental health messaging. Social media algorithms often serve mental health content to women, not men. That’s slowly changing, but many men still don’t see themselves in conversations about anxiety, depression, or burnout.
• The word “depressed” may not resonate. A person might feel off, unmotivated, or angry, but not think of it as depression. That language gap can prevent some people from getting help.

Here is what depression can look like in men (especially men who were taught to tough it out), and how to overcome some of the discomfort around asking for help.

What Depression Can Look Like in Men

Everyone experiences depression differently, and it can show up in many ways. Here are a few common signs and in men.

1. Irritability and anger

Instead of seeming sad or down, many men with depression get short-tempered, easily annoyed, or angry. They might notice themselves snapping at loved ones, getting road rage more often, or stewing in frustration at work.

In a culture that discourages sadness in men, anger becomes a socially acceptable outlet for pain. But chronic irritability can be a sign that something deeper is going on.

2. Distraction through work or hobbies

Working 60-hour weeks? Grinding at the gym nonstop? Spending entire weekends immersed in home projects?

These activities aren’t inherently bad, but if they’re being used to avoid feelings, they can be a red flag. Some men may be more comfortable “doing” than “feeling”. If someone is keeping themselves super busy, but feels numb, empty, or disconnected, it’s time to pause and reflect.

3. Physical aches and fatigue

Sometimes our bodies can clue us in to what’s going on emotionally. Some men experience depression as persistent back pain, headaches, gut issues, or fatigue that isn’t resolved by getting more rest. Of course, it’s important to first rule out any medical concerns with a doctor. But even with all-clear, if they’re still feeling tired and achy, there may be something emotional at play.

4. Changes in sleep or appetite

Sleeping more than usual or waking up way earlier than desired. Noticeably decreased or increased appetite. If a doctor rules out any medical reasons for these changes, they can be a clue that a person’s mental health needs some attention.

5. Withdrawal from friends and family

Cancelling plans, pulling back from friends, or not texting back? Social withdrawal is a classic sign of depression. For men, it can be compounded by the fear of being seen as a burden.

But they don’t have to go through it alone. Having one person to talk to, or even just one good conversation about what’s going on, can help break the pattern of isolation.

6. Loss of interest or motivation

Lost interest in your hobbies, relationships, or career?

It’s not laziness: Loss of interest or motivation is a real and common sign of depression. Losing a sense of joy in activities once loved may mean a person needs more support.

7. Increased risk-taking or substance use

Some men cope with depression by drinking more, driving recklessly, gambling, or engaging in impulsive behavior. These actions might feel energizing in the moment, but they don’t provide long-term relief (and they come with their own significant risks).

Taking more risks or abusing drugs and alcohol are concerning signs of depression that shouldn’t be ignored.

8. Negative thoughts and self-criticism

“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m a failure.”
“Everyone would be better off without me.”

Thoughts like these can be a clear sign of depression. If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself or others, it’s important to get help ASAP. You can text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor, or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.

If You See Yourself in This—You Deserve Help

If any of these symptoms resonate with you, take a breath. You don’t have to have it all figured out today, but you do deserve support.

Getting help doesn’t mean talking about your feelings 24/7 or crying in a stranger’s office. It can start with a simple step: finding someone who gets it. A therapist who specializes in men’s issues—especially one who understands your cultural background and how you were raised—can make a huge difference.

You might want to look for:

• Therapists who specialize in working with men. These professionals understand the unique ways depression shows up in male clients.
• Culturally affirming care. If you were raised in a culture with strict expectations about how men should behave, it can be powerful to work with a therapist who gets that. They’ll help you navigate healing without asking you to abandon your identity.

Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first. That’s normal. In fact, being uncomfortable is often the first sign that something real is shifting.

Depression is Common and Treatable

Depression doesn’t care how strong or successful someone is. It affects soldiers, CEOs, artists, fathers, athletes, and may even be impacting one or more of the men you admire most.

Acknowledging your pain and reaching out for help isn’t weakness—it’s a practical, courageous step toward getting better. You don’t need to wait until things fall apart to get support. Therapy is a proven, effective treatment for depression, and it can help you start feeling more like yourself again.

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