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How single older men can stand out and find real love, according to a matchmaker

Dating is fun at every age, but it has serious benefits for mature adults. Research tells us healthy romantic relationships among older people can improve cognitive function, boost physical vitality, and lead to a happier, more satisfying life. These perks can even , boost lifespan, and make healing after surgeries less painful.

However, as anyone who’s survived heartbreak will understand, prioritizing compatibility in a partner is important if you want to soak up all of the advantages of dating. Otherwise, you end up on the romance hamster wheel, spending your limited time and energy on people who aren’t right for you.

Selectivity can be especially challenging for older men, many of whom are dating for the first time without the pressures of marriage, children, or other expectations they may have felt in their 20s, 30s, or 40s. This sense of freedom—combined with the fact that, as Pew reports, single older women their male counterparts—means single older men can fall into some serious pitfalls that keep them stuck with mismatched partners.

If you’re a widower, divorcee, or simply a single man, it’s worth putting your best and most authentic self forward. To help men in their golden years find satisfying companionship later in life, dating service put together a list of advice for older men ready for romance.

“Love doesn’t have an expiration date,” said matchmaker Susan Trombetti. “Dating in your mature years and finding love after 70 and beyond can lead to fulfilling and intentional relationships.”

If you want a fulfilling love life, avoid these dating pitfalls to make yourself available for a truly compatible companion.

Avoid ‘catfishing’ with outdated or misleading photos or info

Be forthcoming about your age, lifestyle preferences, and mobility. While many are shy to admit their real age upfront, it’s always best to be honest, lest you find yourself embarrassed and alone when the truth inevitably comes out.

“Start by getting over the idea that your age will hold you back,” said Trombetti. “Anyone can date at any age, it’s all about getting yourself out there and being vulnerable.”

Don’t treat your dating profile like a résumé

Attracting the right person is less about flaunting all of your accomplishments, and more about showing your warmth and personality. This is your opportunity to shine. Remember, you’re not applying for a job, but rather attracting someone to spend time with the real you.

Prospective matches look for “green flags,” or signals that they could share similar values and lifestyle preferences. Along with your vocation, tell your dates about your hobbies, activities, or volunteer roles so they have a chance to see your character, personality and interests.

Prioritize online safety and protect yourself from scams

It’s common to be apprehensive when dating as an , and rightfully so. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center received over from Americans over 60 years old who were the victims of a scam. The losses of those victims reached nearly $4.9 billion. Complaints increased by 46% year over year—with financial losses swelling 43%— and Trombetti expects it will continue to rise as scammers become more tech-savvy.

Moreover, older men are more vulnerable to sweetheart scams, says Trombetti, where a potential match uses deceptive tactics to gain trust and access someone’s money. “Stay alert and focused when meeting someone new,” she advised, whether that’s a friend or romantic interest.

To protect your money, emotions and well-being, Trombetti says you should take your time and ask your romantic interest deep questions during the courtship phase to assess their character below the surface. As always, practice safe sex, and keep your finances private until your partner demonstrates consistent trustworthiness.

Safety is another reason why many older men work with a matchmaking service to weed out any suspicious opportunists.

Embrace (and enjoy!) the phone call phase

One way to address safety while easing your way into a new relationship is to schedule a phone call before the first in-person date. Chats on the phone can also be an opportunity for romance to build naturally.

The first phone call matters. It sets the tone and builds anticipation, and it’s much more intimate than texting, where deciphering the other person’s tone is often impossible. It can also be a fun way to start flirting and see if sparks fly.

Talking on FaceTime or Zoom is also an easy way to screen for catfishing—make sure the person’s voice, face, and personality match their profile—while warming up to a new romantic prospect.

Stop worrying you’ll lose touch with who you are

“Seniors can often feel like they have their routine already, and someone new might shake things up,” writes Trombetti about her matchmaking clients. That can be daunting, especially to men who value their independence.

“However, you can still keep your independence when you have a partner,” Trombetti said.

Her advice is to think of your potential date as someone who won’t take away who you are, but rather make you shine brighter and complement your individuality.

Stay persistent—and don’t give up after a few bad dates

When it comes to finding love, age shouldn’t be a factor. You shouldn’t limit yourself to a handful of disappointing dates.

Approximately 36% of adults 65 and older say they are single, according to the in 2020, and at least 25% of them are looking for dates. Trombetti advises men in particular to be careful not to let frustration eliminate them from the dating pool and miss out on possible connections.

Now more than ever, people are living longer, more satisfying lives. As science expands and improves, people are staying healthier. Sure, you may be retired from your career or vocation—but why should you retire from dating?

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