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Feeling overwhelmed by the holidays? Here’s how to take back control.

The holidays are sold as a perfect blend of joy and togetherness, but for many people, the reality of the holiday season is so incredibly different. The holidays can bring not only stress but also family tension, financial pressure, and loneliness. Numerous surveys from national organizations consistently show that a large share of Americans feel increasingly anxious and deal with more emotional strain during the holiday season.

The November 2025 poll indicated that roughly a quarter to a third of adults reported increased holiday stress each year, with money, grief, and family dynamics among the top drivers. The good news is that taking back control of the holiday season is well within reach. created a guide using data gathered from the APA, , and other organizations on mental wellness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing yourself during the holidays.

Understanding holiday stress and its impact

While many people welcome the holidays as a cheerful and happy time, national research shows a completely different pattern. As evident in the aforementioned poll of over 2,000 Americans, a large proportion of adults report that holiday seasons are increasingly more stressful than the year before. Some common stress points include the cost of gifts, difficult family interactions, and grieving loved ones or missing people. All can worsen your anxiety, disrupt your sleep, put you in a low mood, or even cause headaches or appetite changes.

This matters for a few important reasons, as chronic stress can affect decision-making, social connection, and health behaviors. The first step is to recognize the causes and make a plan around them. By doing so, you reduce their power. Here are six strategies to start turning things around.

Strategy 1: Learn to say no and decline invitations

Social expectations or fear of missing out can guilt many people into accepting more than their schedules, budgets, or social battery can realistically allow. By saying no, you protect your time, energy, and relationships. This actually can help strengthen relationships by allowing you to be more present when you choose to be. Attending events while you’re depleted can lead to resentment or simple exhaustion that can do more harm to a relationship than a polite decline would. Boundaries can help reduce social burnout and improve your own presence when you choose to participate out of genuine interest.

Here are some practical ways you can gracefully decline an invitation:

• “Thank you for the invite. I’m going to have to pass this time to protect my energy, but I hope you have a great evening.”
• “I unfortunately can’t make it, but I would love to connect another time. How about coffee in January?”
• “I’m trying to keep plans small this year, but I appreciate the invitation.”

If you’re pressed further, simply repeat your boundary calmly: “I appreciate you asking. I think I need to sit this one out.”

Here are some other ideas to set boundaries for any type of gathering:

• Offer an alternative (drop off a dish, visit another day, reschedule an event)
• Limit the time (Arrive late or leave early. You can say, “I’ll just be staying an hour.”)
• Bring a friend for support or have an easy exit plan (drive yourself)

Strategy 2: Create a realistic budget and manage financial stress

Studies repeatedly show that money is the top stressor during the holidays. Paying for gifts, food, and travel can all increase anxiety and reckless spending. Planning for this scenario can greatly reduce that pressure. does a great job in showing how to create, as well as maintain, a budget.

Some of their best ideas:

• Start with a complete list of all possible expenses, including gifts, travel, meals, holiday decor, donations, clothing, and a 10% buffer for any unforeseen costs, if feasible.
• Try to allocate a maximum budget for each person or category. Then track the spending with a simple spreadsheet or any budgeting tool or app.
• Use cash envelopes or even a preloaded debit card to help you stay within your limits.

A few other budget-friendly gift alternatives include:

• Experiences: These can be a shared meal, a hike, museum passes, or even a cooking class—any event or activity will do.
• At-home DIY projects and crafts: Baked goods, a framed photo, and even a handwritten note or card can go a long way.
• “Coupon” books for chores or babysitting, pet care, restaurants, and devices.

Gifts during the holiday season are meant to signal care, not your net worth. Setting expectations with family early can remove social pressure. If you do become tempted to overspend, pause and employ a 48-hour rule. Always wait at least two days before a nonessential purchase, as this can help prevent rash or impulsive decisions that could cause more stress.

Strategy 3: Create new traditions or adapt existing ones

Holiday traditions are full of meaning and can bring a sense of predictability. These can be protective rituals during chaotic periods. However, if old traditions seem to trigger stress, grief, or even conflict, you are allowed to change them. New traditions can honor loss or simplify the planning process. Some ideas for new purposeful traditions:

• “Keep one, change one”: Keep a single favorite activity and update or completely drop others.
• Volunteer at or donate to a local shelter: Giving back can shift the focus outward.
• An easy family movie night: Include snacks for the group and encourage everyone to turn off devices to facilitate conversation.
• Memory rituals: Light a candle, make a memory decoration or accessory, or set aside time for members who need to share their stories or feel heard.

Discuss with household and family members about what genuinely matters most, then reduce the other elements that are not serving you. Smaller yet consistent rituals—like joint playlists or afternoon walks—can ultimately replace the larger, more socially draining events.

Strategy 4: Schedule downtime and prioritize self-care

Alone time and self-care restore willpower, help reduce reactivity, and aid you in processing emotions. For many, intentional “me-time” is as important as social connection. Be mindful and allow yourself to schedule intentional downtime by:

• Blocking it on your calendar like you would with any appointment.
• Planning microbreaks (lasting anywhere from 10-20 minutes) every day. A walk, stretching, reading, meditation, or journaling are all good, beneficial ideas.
• Protecting your sleep: Be intentional about setting a consistent bedtime for yourself and any small nighttime rituals that can help ease you into bed, such as adjusting the lighting or turning off all devices 30 minutes to an hour before bed.

Setting essential self-care practices during the holidays through maintaining a consistent routine can also make a difference. Even small amounts of physical activity that you connect with, , can lower stress. Limiting alcohol and using grounding/mindfulness techniques during tense moments are also beneficial methods to consider.

If you live with others, designate a room or space for “quiet time.” For example, if you’ll be attending events with friends or family, be intentional in scheduling your alone time with a solo walk in the afternoon. Create small, repeatable actions that serve as your anchor for the day when plans have the possibility to be unpredictable.

Strategy 5: Practice mindfulness and reframe expectations

Mindfulness reduces negative and intrusive thoughts and their associated reactivity. It can help you notice when you are overwhelmed and choose a different, more effective response. A few short mindfulness practices to consider are:

• Five-minute breathing: Focus on how you breathe in and out. Count to four on inhale and follow with six on exhale. Repeat this pattern at least three times.
• A body scan: Take a moment to notice any tension in your shoulders and neck. Breathe deeply into those areas.
• Mindfulness tasks: Give yourself five minutes of undivided attention to whoever you are with. Then allow yourself to step away. This also holds true for activities or tasks.

Gratitude does not erase hardship or difficulty, but it can widen your view. Perfection does not exist; your reality can be good enough. Ask yourself: What would “good enough” actually look like this year? Then choose two nonnegotiables (restful sleep, one family dinner, etc.) and let all other items go.

If you start to feel guilty for saying no or for not meeting the standard that you have set, talk to yourself as you would from a friend's perspective: “This is hard. I did what I could. I’m allowed to rest.” The goal is to take a mindful approach and break down seemingly enormous things into smaller, manageable steps.

Strategy 6: Acknowledge and validate your feelings

Holidays are known to bring a mix of joy, grief, loneliness, relief, and irritability. Everything and anything is normal. In fact, a national survey of 2,201 adults conducted by the showed that 47% of respondents reported that missing or grieving loved ones was a top stressor during the holidays. By recognizing that these feelings are widespread, this normalizes the experience. The recommends creating a plan for difficult moments:

• Identify triggers and make a quick and effective coping plan: Leave after an hour and practice a breathing exercise. Additionally, have a timeout phrase with a supportive friend or guest.
• Keep a list of quick, soothing activities, such as walking, listening to a playlist, having a hot drink, or texting a friend or family member.
• Use “I” statements: “I’m feeling overwhelmed and could use a short break.”
• If you are grieving, allow yourself rituals of remembrance, whether that be a toast or a photo display. Be comfortable telling family members exactly what you need, whether that be a quiet moment, simply having to answer fewer questions, or removing yourself from the room.

The most important thing to remember is that you do not have to be joyful all the time. This is not a realistic expectation, and do not force it upon yourself. Other people’s expectations about how you should feel do not define your own experience. If stress consistently interferes with your daily functioning, consider consulting with your primary care provider. They can assess for treatable conditions and refer you to behavioral health services or the applicable organization. For any urgent safety concerns or thoughts of harming yourself, contact emergency services immediately.

Foster a healthier mental state this holiday season

The holidays do not have to be perfect to be meaningful. Use the tools mentioned earlier to protect your energy. Say no when you need to; plan and enforce your budget; and create, update, or completely change the traditions to fit your life. Be intentional with scheduling downtime, and practice simple mindfulness in day-to-day activities. Most of all, validate whatever you feel.

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